At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
