I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
