nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
