My room smells like vodka and shame
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
This toilet bowl is my home.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
