I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
