These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
