we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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