What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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