DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
