I accidentally had phone sex last night
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
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