please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
