..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
