zippers are such a cool invention
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
