happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
