I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You have to summon your inner elephant
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
