4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
