I am in a vortex of obligation.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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