My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
