we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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