Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
