i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
