Redeem this text for a blowjob
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
