i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize