remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
