HIV tests are more positive than that guy
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
