worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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