When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
