It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
