Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
