you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Alive.
So much puke
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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