You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
