ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
