everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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