Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize