Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
