believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
