i need an iv and a liver transplant
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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