his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
