Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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