When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize