Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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