At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
