I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
