You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
