please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
