In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
