Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
