oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
