Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
