We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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