Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
