he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
