I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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