I just pynch a tree in the face
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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