My Higher Power is John Stamos
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
