Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize