You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Boobs are out for the taking
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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