I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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