Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
