i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
