be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize