Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
