we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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