It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize