The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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