Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
