He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She's the barista slut.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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