Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
