This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
