problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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