Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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