If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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