after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
