puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
