Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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