SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
