I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
