Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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