slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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