then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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