i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize