I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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