I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
