I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
