cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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