What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
